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She agreed with all the grace and charm that was expected of
her and, a year
older than me, left a towering
shadow for me to shine
under.
I replicated her high school career
perfectly--better in
some aspects.
The only
thing Victoria did that I did
not manage was to
get caught kissing Julian
Banksy, or
anyone for that matter.
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When she brought the quarterback
home for dinner, I couldn't see why she liked him.
He had brutish shoulders and a square chin tickled by peach fuzz.
He laughed too
loud spoke to quietly, and called her "Vicky," something she always hated before and since.
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Julian was my
age and in my french class.
He couldn't even
pronounce his
numbers right.
Mom liked him, I could
tell, but Victoria and I weren't stirred.
I
think the
only reason she liked him was because she was supposed to.
He
completed her Disney-channel-villain life.
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She had the valedictorian spot, the would-
have-been
class Presidency,
captain of the
cheerleaders, equestrian
dream jockey, and the quarterback
boyfriend to make her popularity unimpeachable.
The
lower echelon of high school girls, the
nerds and the pariahs, the
low ranking sluts, hated her as
much as
they hated me.
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We were an empire of
cool, a duo of irrefutable
high school
dominance,
mistresses of culture, class, and education.
But the truth is: I never had much
interest in boys.
I only ever
cared about my
best friend,
Amy Routhier,
who let me
braid her
wonderful black hair after school.
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I At Victoria's graduation party, the whole
neighborhood turned up, the whole
family.
But
when I graduated with a 4.
0, valedictorian, wrote a speech that was
later published for
its originality, and there was no one at my
party but my parents and my
three best friends.
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And all of
them could
only talk about Victoria who had
just returned from her first
year at Harvard
studying medicine.
That was when I
realized that it didn't matter
how smart I was or how
pretty or
what I did.
So
long as Victoria did it before me
none of my accomplishments mattered. Lolypink
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My parents
rolled their
eyes when I was accepted to Harvard med school but my sister squealed like a sorority sister in shared or feigned
excitement.
She had
always seemed, at least on the
outside, to value our sisterhood.
When I saw her
room at school for the first
time, she had a
picture of us in a heart shaped frame that proclaimed "sisters
for life" in sickening sequins:
two nearly identical blondes smiling perfectly at the
camera.
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I could never
tell, not then, if my sister resented me for
following her
the way I did or if she
actually felt the friendship with me that she professed to the
world.
Victoria is a practiced
woman, a performance of correct
social graces.
Though she detested theater, she could
have been the
greatest actor of them all.
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Or perhaps she was genuine and sweet to everyone because she is genuinely
sweet.
I found that living at
school, far away from our parents, was easier than I had
imagined.
For the
first year, I
hardly saw my
sister.
I made my
own friends.
I scored my own grades. Porno rebeca
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I took an interest in English literature and the
French language as a supplement to pre-med.
I thought, for once, that I had distanced myself
from my sister.
I even
met a
girl.
Alex was
short haired and butch--she liked to be described that
way.
She wore beaters and
baggy ripped
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She never wore
underwear.
She never wore makeup.
I'd never met a
lesbian before.
For her
rough outlook on
life and what I took to be her immature tendency towards boyishness, she was intelligent, bright, aware.
She was a
student of
English and philosophy but had enough sense to pursue
biology instead.
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She wrote poems about rocks and stones and cicadas,
all the
things that I missed.
She taught me about rebellion
and rock music, modern
art and what it
meant to be
alive.
She
took me
back to her dorm room one
evening to change her shirt.
Her
breasts tumbled
out of their restraints perfect and shapely.
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I was
sitting on her
bed,
watching her do it.
They were
small, crested by
tight brown nipples.
I tried not to
stare.
"I've never been with a boy," I said then.
Something possessed me to say it.
I wanted to
make conversation to break the awkwardness of seeing her
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I don't know why I thought
confession would
make it better.
She thought that I wanted to be with a
boy then, she
promised to help me.
She
called me her
straight friend
after that.
Eventually, she did help me
meet a boy.
He looked like Julian Banksy with his
broad shoulders and tight
muscled arms.
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She
said she knew I would like him.
I let him take me to his
dorm.
Alex watched me go
with him from the quad, smiling, waving, and congratulating
herself.
I went because it made her
happy.
When the boy closed the doors his
hands came on me.
He took
off my
clothes and
showed me his
penis.
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I could see myself in
his mirror, my
blonde locks
covering the
ends of my nipples.
He brushed the
hair away and put his
mouth on them.
I kept looking at myself in his mirror,
looking at how close my
bare thighs were to his penis.
His penis was long and
curved upwards,
thick and
hairy.
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He told me to
suck on it.
I did.
It tasted
like sweat and salt.
The hair tasted like
oily string.
When he was
inside of me it
felt like he was
trying to push me off the bed.
When he was finished he told me I could stay the
night.
He told me I had to meet his friends. Sex and the
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I wasn't sure what that meant.
Was I supposed to see their penises too? I didn't
ever want to see another
one again.
I didn't
want to
fuck him again.
So I left.
Then,
Alex wanted me to meet her new
girlfriend for lunch.
"Bring
your new boyfriend," she said. Cam sex
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